Not just someone

[Inspiration: "Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony, which is why I'll end up an old maid." - Elizabeth Bennett, Pride & Prejudice]

The one piece of advice that my older brother ever gave me was this: "Don't just settle for any guy that comes along. Make sure it's love. Don't just settle."

I took it to heart, even though it's always what I believed in all along. Not just anyone. Not just someone. But the one.

Okay, I openly admit it. I'm a completely and utterly hopeless romantic. The way I see it, it's either the perfect man or no one at all. I'd rather die an 85-year-old virgin with 200 cats than settle for just someone. Just someone to have around, just someone to have sex with, just someone you can tolerate.

You know, celibacy isn't bad. I know we're appalled at the idea of it, especially here in North America in 2009. We have MTV and billboards and magazines to tell us over and over again that you've got nothing if you haven't got sex. And I'm sure sex is really wonderful and amazing. But it's the not the isolated act that's great. Obviously rape isn't a good thing. There has to be relationship, commitment, trust, and love.

So for me that's only an option in the marriage context. But for me to get to the marriage stage, I would have to know totally and completely that I'm loved and that I can trust this man, trust him with my life. That is pretty huge. Trust doesn't come so easily for me. It's like something that has to be renewed all the time.

But if marriage isn't part of the design for this life, I'm okay with that. Because I have this Friend, Jesus, and He is more than enough. He's enough even if I'm out on the streets starving and have a gun to my head. No matter what happens, I have a hope beyond this life.

But, marriage would be pretty cool. If I could be won over. If I could trust.